| Dear Abortion Protesters |
[12 Jun 2009|10:51am] |
Dear Abortion Protesters,
Greetings! First, I would like to say that I hope you are having a nice day and that your harassment of terrified unwed expectant mothers isn't causing you any undue stress.
As I live very close to an abortion clinic, I get to see a lot of you guys in action. I'm a little concerned. I mean, I understand where you're coming from and you don't like to see babies get killed and all that. But you guys have stuck to the same game plan for years now (standing in front of clinics, praying, yelling at people, etc.) and it doesn't appear that any babies are getting saved. In fact, I can only guess how many pregnancies were aborted by mothers sort of teetering on the edge of doing it/not doing, and decided to have the abortion just because of how rude one of you protesters came across to them. I mean, that's a baby dead just because you didn't have any tact! How embarassing!
So, while your antics and clever signs continue to amuse me, I feel like I need to present some alternate methods that you might want to consider. Because, honestly? Yelling "you're going to burn in hell forever!" just isn't getting the job done. So, have you considered...
... Asking Nicely? I mean, there's a big difference between "Don't kill your baby, baby killer!" and "Hey, could you do me a favor and please not kill your baby? You'd really be doing me a solid and I'll totally get you back."
... Offering Prizes? Obviously, the negative reinforcement isn't really cutting the mustard. So, instead of "if you kill your baby, Satan will dine on your entrails for all of eternity!", maybe you could try "Don't kill your baby and win a free PSP!" I mean, you may have made a serious mistake and you could totally be unfit to be a mother, but those iPhones are really fucking cool.
... Writing an Uplifting Jingle? I'm not a big fan of the Christian Rock, but even I have to admit that the Christian Right has a few members that are capable of writing a catchy tune. Why not take advantage of that? Instead of chanting the Lord's Prayer over and over like some sort of creepy Hare Krishna, perhaps you could try singing "Abortion is wrong/and it's never OK/so don't kill your baby/and enjoy the rest of your day!"
... Lying? I hate to say it, but I really don't think you're going to convince anyone to not kill their baby once they've made the trip to the Baby Killing Store. So, you might as well lie to people. Just stand out there and as people pull up tell them "Hey, are you here to kill your baby? I just wanted to let you know that they actually moved. This is a Christian Science Reading Room now." It sounds retarded, I know, but it will probably work better than what you've been doing.
... Maybe Stop Being So Counter-Productive? Look, nobody WANTS to have an abortion. I can't imagine any woman wakes up in the morning and thinks "Man, I just can't WAIT to have a vacuum cleaner hose stuck up my vagina!" (I think I have now made it perfectly clear that I have no idea how abortions are actually performed) But, whether you like it or not, people are going to have sex. So, telling people they can't get birth control and THEN telling them they can't abort their pregnancy, well, you see where I'm going with this? What's more important? Saving babies or forcing everyone to conform to your standards? You have to pick one, abortion protesters. You've had over 35 years since Roe V Wade to make a decision and we really need to you be "pro-choice" on this. Get it? Pro-choice, because you're.... never mind.
So, that's about it. I hope I've given you all something to think about. Do what you gotta do, but I hope you take some of this into consideration.
Love,
Sully.
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| I still have a LiveJournal account? |
[08 Jun 2009|11:56pm] |
I feel, as far as the internet is concerned, that LiveJournal is the original unwanted child that gets ignored while the more talented younger children flourish.
Man, it's a good thing I don't have real children. That I'm aware of.
So, update....
Moving to Austin in less than two months.
Also, in less than two months I have been dating the same woman for two years and am just as much in love as I was in the beginning. Sappy? Yes. Do I care if it's sappy? No. Do I care if you think it's sappy? No. I'm Sully, bitch, you best recognize.
Comedy has taken a backseat for the time being, as I can't focus on writing. I'll probably do one more show at the Go Bananas Pro-Am before we move. Once we get settled in, I'll get back to it.
If you're reading my journal and you're on Twitter, you can follow me at twitter.com/Sullivan_Smith.
Ok, that's all. Bye bye for now.
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| Vacation |
[24 Oct 2008|10:06am] |
As of right now I am eating biscuits and drinking champagne. Yum!
In a few hours I will be doing laundry and packing up for my trip with The Redhead to Austin.
After laundry we will probably clean the apartment for about twenty minutes until we say "fuck it" and play on the computer some more.
Then we catch our train to Chicago at 1am and then it's off to Austin.
So... see you when I get back, fuckers!
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| Update |
[05 Oct 2008|10:06pm] |
I don't update often on LiveJournal because, frankly, I know four people on here. Hi four people I know!
But my life has slowed down a bit to the point that I can update on here and let you guys know how I'm doing.
So here goes...
WORK: My job at America's Favorite Cell Phone Company (note: it's not AT&T) has been keeping me busy these past couple of months as I have been kind of putting everything else on the back burner in order to move up in the company (in other news, there's something wrong with the stove in my apartment... go figure). I haven't performed on stage in about a month. This makes me sad but frankly, right now, telling jokes doesn't pay any of my bills. I'm itching to get back into it but a few other things have to fall in place first. Namely...
AUSTIN. When The Redhead and I were talking about moving to Austin, the job market for her looked bleak. Now that she has this really good job with her new company, we're in less of a hurry to move. We're still planning on it, but it's less "let's get out of here as quickly as we can" and more "now that we're kind of stable, let's save up some money so we can move in comfort." Moving to Austin is in our plans, but we'll probably hold off until at least next spring. It's nice being able to do something like this on our own terms.
THE WEBSITE: If you haven't been, check out www.thiswebsiteissoawesome.com.
THE BENGALS: Boooooooooooooo!
That's about it.
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| Further explanation |
[21 Aug 2008|12:27am] |
I'm about to head to bed and curl up with The Redhead, but I think I need to go into further explanation as to what I just posted. Hang on, lemme grab a beverage. Last one of the night.
To start with, I have this weird fascination with other countries. It had a lot to do with my whole I'm Irish phase I went through - it's not America, so let's be a part of it. I mean, I like America, don't get me wrong. Despite all of its problems, it's a pretty cool fucking country to be from. We're a pretty fascinating country just because whatever city or state you go to, for the most part, it's going to be radically different from any other area there. You take someone from California and someone from New England and someone from Chicago and someone from the South and you could very well make the assumption that these people all grew up in totally different countries. I like that.
But I've spent my entire life in the Midwest and I don't care what you say - it may be a good place to grow up but after a while it get fucking boring.
Meanwhile... one of my best friends, who has grown up in Texas, told me he was moving to Austin. He had nothing but rave reviews. During this, some of my favorite family members have either moved to Austin or are currently in the process of it.
I don't look at Texas as another state. Texas is a different country. I mean, fuck me, that's how it started. Add to that the fact that the coldest it gets there is, like what, 80? Fucking hell, sign me up.
Here's another story. I don't drive anymore. There's some legal stuff involved (non-alcohol related) that keeps me from driving that I won't go into. But frankly, it just costs way too much to drive. So even if I wasn't legally restricted from driving in the state of Ohio, I don't think I'd want to do it anyway. Gas is too much, insurance is too much, car payments are too much, driving is too much of a pain in the ass.
I work for a major cell phone company. I really like working for them. On top of how they treat me, I think they actually sell a pretty good product. But right now, I am a "floater". Technically, that means I go to work at stores that are short of staff. Lately, I'm starting to feel like a "floater" in the scatalogical sense. I won't go into further detail. It's not the company, though, it's just the district.
So, I'm ready to go somewhere else. The Redhead, bless her heart, is behind me on this. I would have stayed here if she told me she wanted to stay here. Thankfully, she's all for moving, too. She's not crazy about the heat, but she also appreciates the fun times and the opportunity that Austin can provide. God, I love her.
So, come January, The Redhead and I - if everything goes according to plan - will be residents of Austin, TX.
In other news, Macario and I are back in the web publishing business. I am proud to announce the beginning of SoAwesome Web Production - founders Sullivan Smith and Macario Reyes. Publication begins in two weeks.
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| Yup |
[21 Aug 2008|12:24am] |
I think it's about time to get out of the Midwest.
Austin, TX? Here we come.
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| Update |
[07 Aug 2008|12:55pm] |
Obviously, I'm not making LiveJournal a priority. Probably because I don't have 85,000 friends on LJ like some people do. *wink*
Ok, so what's new?
- Fighting like a coked-up bullfighter trying to get a sales position within The Company, because I could use the money.
- Writing new jokes.
- Researching what it might be like to live in Austin, TX. Snow being a rarity rather than an inevitability it a good draw, but I also know how much The Redhead doesn't care much for extreme heat. And Texas has, if anything, extreme heat. On the other hand, Austin is three hours away from the Gulf of Mexico.
- Not driving. I am saving tons of money and cutting my stress level down significantly. Makes it a little harder to get to gigs, though. But it's worth it.
- Brew Ha Ha auditions were last week (or so) and I think I did well. I'm still waiting to see who got in.
- The Reds suck. I should learn to stop being so disappointed.
That's about it.
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| Things to remember |
[02 Apr 2008|12:38am] |
I am posting this to as many things as I can. Just so I always have a reminder.
20 Goals
1. Write for at least one hour a day, even if it's shit
2. Get at least 30 minutes of material you can do at any performance
3. Start a journal with current material you can pull from
4. Practice the material in your head (do away with the set list)
5. Make nice with the other comics (even if they're assholes)
6. Write, write, write.
7. Be an MC at a club by April 1, 2009 at the latest.
8. Realize that you CAN do this. Realize you ARE funny.
9. Start being responsible with your money.
10. If you need to drink, do it at home. Drinking at home is cheaper.
11. Tell your girlfriend as many time as you can how much you love her.
12. Be responsible at your day job. Treat it as seriously as you do comedy
13. Pay your bills on time. If need be, make arrangements with whoever and KEEP THEM.
14. Don't forget your other passions.
15. Write a comment on 80% of your MySpace friends list every month. Never forget your friends. Call them if you have to.
16. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated.
17. If you are going out to a bar, put a set amount aside. Pay in cash if you can.
18. Call your mom every week.
19. Never give up.
20. You can be the grown-up responsible person you know you can be without giving up the things you love. Never forget that.
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| Madonna |
[07 Mar 2008|06:06pm] |
Last year (I think it was last year, correct me if I'm wrong) the Sex Pistols declined to be enshrined into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with a hilarious and now-famous handwritten letter by John Lydon. Amongst other things, he referred to the Hall as a "piss stain". Considering Lydon's well known contempt for establishments, I thought this was damn funny, but maybe a little harsh.
Considering the upcoming class being inducted this year, though, I'm starting to wonder if he's onto something.
Consider who is NOT in the R&R Hall of Fame. Steve Miller. Alice Cooper. Deep Purple.
Now consider who is the top entrant THIS year.
Fucking Madonna.
What's next, are they gonna induct Gloria Gaynor next year?
I'm not going to discredit Madonna's ability and her influence and success in the pop music world. Next to Michael Jackson, she's probably had more influence on generations of pop artists than anyone else. I also really liked her Ray of Light album. That's good stuff.
But seriously, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I thought it was kind of dumb to have rap artists into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and I have nothing against rap. If there was a Popular Music Hall of Fame, then I can see having both Iron Maiden, Elvis Presley, NWA, Madonna, and KC and the Sunshine Band all in the same hall.
But this is the ROCK AND ROLL Hall of Fame. And this doesn't even seem like a token entry, like Grandmaster Flash's induction seemed like from before. This is the main induction.
This seems to me as a desperate grab for ticket sales and TV ratings, as some other journalists have mentioned. Seriously, if they can't get enough interest in the Hall of Fame just by inducting rock artists, then maybe they should just fucking stop doing it.
My favorite band, Guided By Voices, are eligable in 2012. If Deep Purple isn't in there yet, I doubt Bob ever will be.
On a side note, Madonna will not be performing. Instead, Iggy Pop, of all people will be performing a selection of Madonna's music. If he comes out in a wedding dress doing Like A Virgin, I could very well be a happy man.
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| Athiesm |
[19 Feb 2008|09:05pm] |
This is, by no means, meant to disrespect anyone who believes.
Penn Jillette wrote a now famous piece entitled "There is no God" in which he explained his position in taking atheism a step further and actually believing in no god. The original was first published with NPR and is available here. NPR's Morning Edition featured Penn in an ongoing series titled "This I believe" based on a similar series from the 1950s. The rules required that the essayist state their position in the affirmative. Jillette did so cleverly by saying "I believe there is no God." mp3 version Here are some excerpts: Morning Edition, November 21, 2005 ยท I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire? But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God." Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day. Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around. Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future. Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.
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| Valentine's Day |
[15 Feb 2008|12:24pm] |
I want to thank everyone and their moms for posting a bulletin wishing me and everyone else a Happy Valentine's Day. I'm sure Valentine would be pleased.
Here's a little fun fact:
"Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is the name of several martyred saints of ancient Rome. Of the Saint Valentine whose feast is on February 14, nothing is known except his name and that he was buried at the Via Flaminia north of Rome on February 14. It is even uncertain whether the feast of that day celebrates only one saint or two or more saints of the same name. For this reason this liturgical commemoration was not kept in the Roman Catholic calendar of saints for universal liturgical veneration as revised in 1969.[2] Traditional Roman Catholics continue to venerate St. Valentine on his feast day, February 14."
See, the only religious wackos that celebrate St. Valentine's Day for real are the ones who can count Mel Gibson as a fellow member.
So, if you are celebrating Valentine's Day, you are in fact supporting Mel Gibson so therefore YOU HATE THE JEWS.
Way to go, you anti-Semitic assholes.
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| How long until Football season 2008 starts again? |
[04 Feb 2008|03:56pm] |
I woke up this morning and turned to The Redhead and said "I must have gotten really wasted last night. I, for some reason, was convinced that the New York Giants won the Super Bowl." And then I laughed at my own little joke and then immediately grabbed my head in pain. Whooo boy.
What a great game. I guess the Mannings are the only brothers to quaterback back to back Super Bowl winning teams?
Now that New England has lost, I can go back to not caring about The Giants anymore.
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| My annual update |
[30 Dec 2007|09:09pm] |
Feels like it's annual, doesn't it? Unless I'm posting about a comedy show or something, when was the last time I posted anything substantial, anyway? So, here goes...
Someone deleted me from their MySpace and Facebook. They probably don't even think I noticed. I noticed. Oh well.
Going to Wisconsin next week. I haven't been there in who knows how long. It'll be nice to have a vacation.
The show at The Mad Frog went surprisingly well. I don't know how much my mom liked my jokes.
Patriots went 16-0. Fuck. I really shouldn't care, except being the Colts fan that I am, my dislike for the Patriots takes over in these situations. On the other hand, they really had to work for that sixteenth win, as the Giants really put it to them. Hopefully Eli's older brother and his team can get the job done in the inevitable Colts vs Patriots AFC Championship Game.
Crossing my fingers for a Green Bay/Indy Super Bowl.
Since when did I care about football so much?
The Redhead fell asleep surrounded by cats. That's adorable.
New Year's Eve is turning out to be low-key, at least this point in the planning stages. We'll see how that actually works out.
MySpace.com/SullivanSmith for all comedy updates.
Peace out, or be with you, or whatever. Happy New Year.
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| More Guided By Voices Yin Yang |
[10 Dec 2007|12:09am] |
Bear with me...
I can't remember the year, not that it's important. I could look it up, it's the same year that Mag Earwhig! came out. I am in Des Moines, maybe my last year in high school, watching 120 Minutes on MTV, trying to find new bands to play on my high school radio station. At that point, my only contributions to the station were The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (is that two "S"s or one, Andrew help me out here), The Toadies (still one of my favorite bands), some god awful pop-punk band called Reacharound (who had a really nifty single called "Big Chair" which I really liked, but I got shit, and deservedly so, for putting in rotation a band called "Reacharound") and a then little known British band called Oasis. A video for "Bulldog Skin" by Guided by Voices came on and I liked it, I liked it very very much. Apparently not enough to put it into rotation, but my tastes skewered a little bit differently then.
I went to high school with a few guys that were actually in bands, that were really into the lo-fi indie stuff - Pavement and, um, Pavement, I don't remember - I only really liked one Pavement song, as much as I tried to enjoy them otherwise, I just wasn't nerd-elite enough to "get it". Most of GBV's early stuff has passed me by at that point, while I was into U2 and Bad Religion and Billy Joel (Jesus, I was a weird kid). During some economics class, my lo-fi Indie friends were chatting about music, and one of them had a Leadbelly t-shirt on. I made a mention about R.L. Burnside, who at the time was doing some stuff with Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Someone in the group mentioned he didn't know who R.L. Burnside was, which lead my friend Mike (the guy wearing the R.L. Burnside shirt) to exclaim "hey, this guy is more indie than you are!"
If only that had been true.
A girl I had dated at the time sent me an IM, asking me if I knew who Guided By Voices were. I said yes, I saw that video on 120 Minutes, I liked the song, I don't think we went more in depth than that. My attention span then was even worse than it is now. That was about the extent of it.
Flash forward a few years, I'm doing some work for KURE in Ames, IA, the radio station for Iowa State University. Do The Collapse has just come out. Andrew writes a pretty harsh review on the back of the CD (the radio staff would write descriptions on the back of each CD before it goes into rotation, listing reccomended songs, the songs you can't play because they have bad words, plus a description of the musicfr the DJs who only listened to Dishwalla and shit). The description was this: "The captain is fading". I really liked Teenage FBI and Hold On Hope. I didn't know better then.
Should it bother me that I didn't really appreciate all that is Bob until I was 29 years old? Probably not. Better late than never. I lived in Indianapolis about three years ago and really started to download a lot of GBV. But that didn't even foreshadow my fandom that was to come.
Last Christmas, as I was living in the Cincinnati area, I was dating a very cool lady from Dayton. She liked (still does, as far as I know) GBV, but her brother was picturing them big time. He bought me Human Amusements at Hourly Rates as a Christmas present - totally unexpected and totally appreciated.
That was it.
Like I did for my other favorite bands - Bad Religion, The Pogues, Flogging Molly, and The Tragically Hip - I dove headfirst into the world of Guided By Voices and Robert Pollard. I read The Book. I bought the albums. I joined the message board.
What is it about GBV that gets me all hot and bothered?
It's the sense of community.
I've met Bad Religion fans - I can't remember any of them. Same with any other band I've loved.
But Bob fans - they're a different breed.
Here's to all of those who are guided by voices, I love you all.
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| Two items worth mentioning |
[30 Nov 2007|01:46am] |
Ok, first...
ROBERT POLLARD AT THE SOUTHGATE HOUSE ON SATURDAY!
Jess and I will be going, and I can't wait to see Joe and Vince and all the other Settlers there!
Also.... if you can make it...
December 26th
The Mad Frog
1 E McMillan St
Cincinnati, OH
Richard Alcorn, Mike Berlon, Mike Guns, My Miller and me, Sullivan Smith
$5 cover
One awesome night of comedy
Please come
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| Busy busy busy |
[30 Oct 2007|10:57am] |
Saturday I went to Dayton, OH. It was probably one of the best nights in my life. For on this evening I attended Robert Pollard's 50th Birthday Party.
Also, I found out yesterday that Verizon has a full-time spot open for me, and I won't be working at Florence for very long. I love that store and the guys who work there, but I'm getting sick of going to Kentucky every day for work.
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| Updates before work |
[20 Oct 2007|10:06am] |
Hi.
The Roast of Homer Shadowheart went extremely well. Everyone had a great time, and we raised $200 for Locks of Love. Now we just have to wait for someone else to get a terminal disease so we can roast THEM next year. With any luck, it'll probably be me.
I helped Jessica pick up this futon for her apartment about a week ago, the things was HUGE and it barely fit in the back of the tracker - it looked like a sail coming out of the back of my car. I told her I'd help her put it together because it was so damn big, we figured it had to be some massive project to assemble the whole thing. Finally, after putting it off for god knows how long, we finally said "fuck it" and opened the box, only to find the assembly just required attaching four legs to the base - by screwing them on. The whole thing took five minutes, and that included getting the legs out of the boxes they came in. Oh well, it's not MY futon.
I'm enjoying having my own place but, as expected, it's taking a bif financial toll on me. Hopefully, I'll be full time before you know it.
I think that's all the important stuff I have for you guys, as important as it was. Whatever. I have to go to work now.
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| Picture Me Big Time |
[02 Sep 2007|04:51pm] |
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music |
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Love is Stronger Than Witchcraft - Robert Pollard |
] |
I got a relatively inexpensive digital camera today. It's one of those 60 minute flip video things. I was worried about the sound quality, but I tested it a few minutes ago and it sounds pretty good. We'll see how it holds up as far as recording my shows goes, as that's the main reason I got it.
Talked to Richard Alcorn about setting up some shows in the area instead of waiting around for some douchebag at a comedy club to hire us for a gig. We've got some cool ideas and we're going to implement them. We're also putting together a roundtable discussion with some other comics - sort of a Dinner For Five with local comedians - and posting it as a podcast.
September 6th at the Midway Cafe is the next show. Be there, fuckers.
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